I was walking down the road from Newington in Edinburgh and a raw mushroom fell out my sleeve.

Marks and Spencer's have a policy with shoplifters to ban them from their tore so that if they do it again they can get done for breaking and entry. And I shoplifted from marks and Spencer's 3 times with bottles of Buckfast and on the 4th occasion I got huckled and put out the back door where there was two coppers and a police van which took me to the cells to sober up.

There's a guy I call Darius Franchiti after the Scottish racing car driver who ne and my Girl friend at the time bought a car off of which we weren't pleased with as we didn't know about cars and thought he had ripped us off and I wrote a letter to the tax man as he was laundering money through a fast food restaurant which he had to burn down as nobody fucks with the Shenners.